Sunday, January 28, 2007

No, I am not happy to be here.

I just wanna leave this fucking country as soon as possible.
I hate everything around me.
Everything is bloody fake.
Everyone is bloody liar.
I was such an idiot.
I don't trust anything, anyone any more.
I had enough.
I cannot take this any more.
Fuck off, America.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

we are not all like that, honestly. i'm really sorry to hear that something bad happened. :(

8:47 PM  
Blogger sheeep said...

Any proof then? I cannot distinguish what is real and what is not any more. Everything seems superficial to me.

9:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have no proof per se... and i agree that many people are shallow and fake and liars (especially, it seems, in california. i'm not from here either!) but that's part of growing up and exploring the world - you meet some wonderful, amazing people and you meet some total jerks, people who care only about themselves, people who would say or do anything to get what they want. but don't hold the faults of the few against everyone else.

trust yourself that it will become easier to figure out which is which. this country is filled with honest, kind-hearted people, each trying to become the best person they can be, just like you are. i have met them. they do exist here. and they need the help of people like you to make this a better place.

10:11 PM  
Blogger sheeep said...

I apologize for being so rude, and thank you for being so generous.
The problem is, I think, myself. I haven't quite understood and got used to this culture yet. Still I have my strong Japanese-ness in basis. I know it, but that doesn't mean I can handle this situation. It is overwhelming. Even a small thing you think, it confuses me and hurts me so bad. And that is one thing Americans doesn't know. They think they know the world and the people in the rest of the world is the same as Americans. In fact, it is definitely wrong, but they tend to ignore the fact for thier own sake.

10:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are not at all rude. it's clear you feel hurt and upset, and it's okay to vent, no need to apologize.

i wouldn't say that the "problem" is you. rather the problem is that it is hard enough to have good human relations within a culture, let alone between vastly different cultures! it requires so much patience and understanding and forgiveness, qualities that i think most people, and certainly most americans, lack.

america has far too many bigots and many people who do not care to understand or appreciate the differences of other cultures and people. it's sad, but of course there are many people who do seek to understand and appreciate. we are here, really!

americans, even those who are kind-hearted and understanding, tend to be brash. it must be overwhelming to someone accustomed to much more restrained, reverent, respectful interactions. but that certainly doesn't mean something is wrong with you. it just is what it is, you know? and all one can do is to keep trying.

11:40 PM  
Blogger sheeep said...

I am very happy that there is someone like you even in this country. Yes, I have to keep trying, not to complain...

9:09 PM  
Blogger Eugene R said...

What's the matter?

You can email me.

10:01 AM  

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